Monday, November 17, 2008

Ty's essay #10

Ty LeVarge
Mr. Salsich
English 02
November 18, 2008

Someone different is trapped
An essay on heterosexism and my thoughts of Ms. Olsen's talk

A personal view from me on heterosexism would be almost like anyone else; I don’t mind being around homosexuals. I believe that people should not judge others just because they like someone different. Someone who isn’t listening to what insults others say, is doing the right thing. If one is different, insulting them will not do a thing to change them from being something different.

I believe that people should not judge people because they are homosexual and should not treat them as if they are aliens from another world. Everyone is a human being and being homosexual should not make you that different other than loving someone your same gender. In this world, everyone is supposed to be equal as human beings and that we should respect each other no matter who we choose to love. We should also be able to choose who we love and not be turned down by someone’s words. They should not care if someone insults them for loving someone of the same gender and go on living their life of dreams. People that are homosexual should not worry of words and should continue with their lives and not worry about what was said in the past. I think that homosexuality is alright in the community and that others should accept that because word and actions will not solve a problem this big and that people should just accept it that some people choose to me homosexual.

My personal views of Ms. Olsen’s presentation were very positive because of her positive influence she gave us. She shared with us, her experiences, which seemed to influence us greatly that there is that treatment in the world. She told us that too give us an idea of the evil that exists in this nation just because someone is homosexual. Ms. Olsen also tells of how she lost friends because they don’t want to look strange being around her and is very sad that her friends would abandon her. Ms. Olsen also speaks of the safety zone; a place of comfort to discuss heterosexism. This place of safety is where safety is “safety as whole” meaning that safety is always considered in a discussion as a whole. The safety zone is always indicated by a special upside-down pink triangle and shows that you can discuss anything of heterosexism within those walls. Ms. Olsen taught us much of heterosexism and its effects on others.

If one chooses to be homosexual, do not insult them, it does nothing to change them to be the way you expect them to be. If you were to find yourself being insulted, you should not bother talking back, it wouldn’t change them either. If getting into a fight, fight back if necessary to save your life, but tell someone who cares about heterosexism so that you can tell them of your problems. These factors of evil treatment are necessary to reach one’s ears that know what to do to solve any problems.

green = absolute
red = participle
pink (for upsidedown pink triangle ^_^) = quote

3 comments:

Kyle said...

I'm a little confused with the sentence "They should almost be proud of loving someone and go on living their life of dreams." What do you mean they should "almost" be proud of loving someone. In the sentence "She whared with us, her experiences which seemed to influence us greatly that there is that treatment in the world" I think "which" should have a comma after it. I like how you said that everyone was made to be equal and that the small difference of loving one's gender shouldn't matter.

tristan yerkes said...

Ty,
OMG! Great ideas in this essay, I really like how you state them with clear-cut accuracy, without beating around the bush at all and not trying to make your cause more noble. I just have two little quibbles with your writing. First of all, your very first sentance sounds very awkward, and almost as if it's part of a conversation, I also think it could be done without. Also, you have no heading at all, and I think you should put one on and title your work, you can look at the MLA formatting guide for more help. I really did like your essay, and I think you did a great job with it!

Hamilton Salsich said...

Ty --

Someone different is trapped
An essay on heterosexism and my thoughts of Ms. Olsen's talk ... ALWAYS CAPITALIZE ALL IMPORTANT WORDS ON TITLES AND SUBTITLES


A personal view from me on heterosexism would be almost like anyone else;...THIS IS VAGUE. A READER WOULDN'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN BY 'ANYONE ELSE'. TRY TO MAKE EACH STATEMENT TOTALLY SPECIFIC.


Someone who isn’t listening to what insults others say, is doing the right thing ...THIS SENTENCE IS A LITTLE HARD TO UNDERSTAND. A READER WOULD BE PUZZLED, AND YOU NEVER WANT YOUR READERS TO BE EVEN SLIGHTLY PUZZLED. TRY TO MAKE EACH SENTENCE TOTALLY CLEAR.


DID YOU FORGET TO LABEL YOUR SENTENCES??


People that are homosexual should not worry of words and should continue with their lives and not worry about what was said in the past....I WONDER IF THIS SENTENCE COULD BE A BIT SHORTER AND SMOOTHER. ALWAYS TRY TO TIGHTEN AND SMOOTH OUT EACH SENTENCE. DELETING WORDS AND REARRANGING WORDS CAN OFTEN HELP.


SUCH POWERFUL THOUGHTS IN THE FIRST BODY PARAGRAPH!!

She shared with us, her experiences, which seemed to influence us greatly that there is that treatment in the world ... THIS SENTENCE IS AlSO A LITTLE AWKWARD AND CONFUSING. TAKE SOME TIME, AFTER YOU FINISH THE ESSAY, TO EXAMINE EACH SENTENCE. MAKE SURE EACH ONE IS TOTALLY SMOOTH AND CLEAR. THOSE FEW MOMENTS OF POLISHING CAN MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE.


do not insult them, it does nothing
...HERE YOU NEED A CONJUNCTION OR A PERIOD AFTER 'THEM' TO SEPARATE TWO INDEPENDENT CLAUSES.


These factors of evil treatment are necessary to reach one’s ears that know what to do to solve any problems....THIS IS A VERY CONFUSING SENTENCE. BE SURE TO CHECK YOUR WORK OVER VERY CAREFULLY.



TY, YOUR IDEAS ARE POWERFUL AND LOVING. YOU ARE A VERY GOOD BOY!